A Parent's Perspective: When We Write That Check

The parents. Friend or foe?

If you read Facebook long enough you can start to believe that all kids are entitled brats and their parents sit at home all day long allowing their kids to throw knives at them during dinner time. I’m a parent. I’m also a guard instructor; with this little thing called a professional career on the side. Sometimes I’m great at doing all of them and sometimes I’m a total basket case, while trying to figure out how to be a good mom, effective coach, and trail blazing career woman. The reality is that I’m human and most of the time struggle to hold my head above water. Reading Facebook though, it would appear that as a parent I’m not doing enough. I’m not engaged enough. I don’t fundraise enough. I don’t read to my kid enough. I don’t visit the school enough. I visit the school too much. I don't discipline my kid based on the values of generations past. In the end I guess, my daily life is an internal battle of trying to give my kid the best life I can afford, while trying to stay afloat of the changing demands of this 21^st Century, post-recession, post 9-11, post Sandy Hook, standardized testing sort of world.

So what does all of this have to do with this blog and color guard? I’ve been thinking a long time about writing this post and have gone back and forth on how to approach it. In my professional career we have a lot of conversations on the topic of parenting. In fact, I bet the topic comes up in meetings at least once a week. It’s so important, Pinellas County Schools and their partners brought in a high priced expert on the topic a couple of years ago to figure out how to get parents engaged in the education of their children. It was a one day workshop and for the most part was a pretty good day filled with great information, except for one slight hiccup. The information never made it out of the building. Like most conferences, the information went nowhere. Money wasted.

Almost nothing makes me angrier than decisions that are made for the good of the people, without the “people” who are impacted having a voice in the decision. It happens in politics all the time. We all know that. It happens in education. There is a clear divide on what parents are saying vs. what the system is saying. In my field of government and youth funding, we often make decisions on programming. Every so often I raise my little hand and ask a simple question, “Has anyone included the parents of the kids in this discussion?” When I ask that, I often get the stank eye from my boss. 

In the world of the marching arts, it’s actually rather rare to hear the phrase, “I wonder what the parents would think of this?” Now, I don’t believe that every decision should go through a parental vote, especially in show design or training, but I do believe that parents have rights that we don’t always consider, thus leaving out of the decision process probably our most important asset and literal backbone of the organization…the parent.

If I had one piece of advice to give my long gone 25 year old self; it would be to befriend the parents and make them your partner. Give them a voice. Give them a well-structured, well controlled voice. I didn’t truly understand the parenting piece until I became one myself. Even then, it wasn’t until my own kid was participating in his own extracurricular's that I truly started to get a handle on what I believe is happening out there and what is happening, is that there are a lot of parents doing a tough job and doing everything they can to survive. 

Looking back, I don’t think I really ever considered the parents of the performers I taught. I considered the performer. I considered the band director. I even considered the administration. I think, if I were to categorize it, I saw the parents as this fundraising entity who did the back breaking labor I either didn’t have the skills or the desire to do. It wasn’t my job after all to drive a trailer. My job was to teach their kids. It wasn’t my job to build the props. I designed them. It wasn’t my job to raise the funds. It was theirs. My job was to get their little darlings into the highest placement possible and avoid the parents at all costs, praying none of them ever call me. THAT…was my 25 year old thinking.

I’m 46 now and my thinking has changed…significantly. Now, I can’t hear from the parents enough. I want them to call me. I want them to text me. I want them to engage, because the more they are engaged the more they will advocate for the program and the more they will be willing to raise the money we so desperately need. When a parent walks into one of my rehearsals I don’t see it as a threat. I see it as an opportunity to build a relationship and find out more about their child that they have entrusted me with. When they walk through the door, it is my opportunity to ask the question, “So how is your daughter doing at home and in school?”

Trust. Now that’s an interesting concept. When a parent allows their child to join a sport or activity, they are trusting that the coaching staff has been well vetted and their child will have a somewhat positive experience. I use the word “allow,” because the parents have to give permission first. Once they allow their son or daughter to join the band or winter guard, they then…as many parents do…become absolutely shocked at the time and money it will take to be a participant. It takes a savvy director to be able to explain this to parents, so they won’t go running in fear screaming in the opposite direction. It takes a director who understands the life of a parent and doesn’t take for granted that the parent’s life does not in fact exist for that particular winter guard. In my own world, I think about my son's activities somewhere between the five minutes I drop him off and the five minutes before I pick him up. I also have a life.

Money. When this current school year began, I signed my son up for the Cub Scouts. I did my research and found what I thought was the best pack for his personality. He and I both were very excited at the first meeting. I envisioned him lighting fires with sticks, camping out, learning to build little racing cars, and saying the Pledge of Allegiance in his little blue outfit. Let me tell you what I got right in that scenario. It was the Pledge of Allegiance. That’s it. My image of what he would do from week to week was very different than what actually happens and you know what…it pissed me off. Why? Because I spent money on dues, a uniform, and a book they rarely use. I was unaware of the constant fundraising I would be asked to do. I was not informed of the hours that would be asked of my son to contribute on the weekends. I have been nickel and dimed to death. Sound familiar? Needless to say, next year he won’t be coming back. It’s not that I don’t value what they offer. It’s that they don’t seem to value what I offer, which is my time and money. They weren’t up front. Now on another side of the coin, he plays little league baseball. Before sign-ups and try-outs even began, I received an outlined list of what is expected from each parent in terms of money, time, and volunteer hours. I can go with that. I can schedule and plan. I know they will be doing two fundraisers and I know where the money is going and how much my family is expected to raise. If you can't tell me where the money will go, then don't ask me to raise the funds. Period.

Time. Oh my God if I could only go back and apologize to every parent that entrusted me with their children when I ran high school guards in my 20’s. I never truly grasped how it could spin a family out of control at the simple “suggestion” of changing rehearsal time. Last year my son’s baseball team was pretty good. They made it all the way to the play offs. Yay! Good for them and their little 8 year old selves. However…this is what happened. The coach…understandably so…wanted to have a couple of extra practices going into the playoffs. I get it. Sounds good to me. However, I had to work those nights. My husband was working overtime. Thus enter the dilemma. We got it worked out, but it was less than easy and not as easy as just saying, “Why don’t you just find him a ride?” I couldn’t imagine if I were a single mom, a parent with unreliable transportation, a family with two or three kids all in their own activities or worked at a job doing shift work from 3-11. This is why respecting their time is crucial. Schedules to parents are crucial. Show them that you respect their time and they will give you every extra minute they have to make sure your program succeeds. When rehearsal is supposed to start then start and when it is supposed to end…then it needs to end. Those parents have other duties and their nights don’t end until the last child is in bed. We have to stop thinking that their world revolves around ours and their lives look like ours does. It's naive to live in a world of "back in my day," because back in my day was very different than the world of today in terms of economics, family structure, and education.

Safety. When it comes to the safety of my son; I am a mother bear protecting her cub. You will not get in the way of his safety, whether it be physical or emotional. When my son plays baseball I expect that the coaches are trained in best practices of safety such as the protection of head and mouth. When you don’t take safety into account, my pocketbook is impacted. Just because you ask if I have insurance, doesn’t mean I want to use it because you are under trained as a coach. I expect that his experience is a positive one and not abusive. I expect him to be yelled at and corrected, but I’ll be damned if he is abused. I watch. I listen. I don’t sit in a posture ready to pounce, but I also don’t sit back and wait for the problem. He is my son and he loves baseball. He deserves the right to play under coaches who are well trained and who care about him. I will not budge on that one and I just like most other parents are watching and what we are watching...is you.

Respect. The biggest lesson I ever learned in parenting and extracurricular's came from my son’s participation in karate. In a nutshell, I should say that I was “schooled” in what coaching means and how to involve the parent. Upon the moment we signed him up and every night after, the owner of the dojo shakes the hand of every parent that walks through the door. He asks how the parent is doing and asks if there is anything new they should know about the child. He built a relationship with the parents and in return, built a true relationship with the children. We stay out of his way and he respects our time and money. He doesn’t shock us with added expenses. When the kids get in trouble at school, we as parents use him as our support in reinforcing discipline. For the respect he gives my family, I promote his business every opportunity I can. It’s a partnership. I’m his ally. It's his business and he knows that word of mouth is the best advertising you can get. 

When it comes to my son and his needs, I ask the same questions. When I sign him up for activities I evaluate the need based on the following criteria. First I ask, "Will he enjoy this?" and "What will he learn?" Second, I look at the coaches and organization and determine if they are trained well enough and have the capacity to use MY money in the best way possible to answer question number one. The third question I ask is, "How much will this cost me?" and finally I ask the question, "How much time will it take?"

When we coach kids in color guard or marching band, we often times forget that our biggest ally are the parents. When we forget that fact, then our allies become our adversaries. When I was younger and before I had kids, I use to hate interacting with the parents. I hated their questions and felt that since they signed their kid up for MY color guard program, then they must listen to my rules. Well, let's just say that I had a child and then I started to understand. The parents don't have to do anything. They simply could just sign them up, pay the dues, and move on with their lives. In the end, it's their money and their kid. They raised that kid, changed their diapers, was there when the child broke their arm jumping off a bunk bed, and was there for every success and failure the child ever faced. It is their money and that money is guarded closely. It's their time. Parents have jobs...sometimes two and three jobs, they have other kids, cook dinner, go grocery shopping, manage marriages, date, continue their education, and a million of things in between. Respecting that fact goes a long way in building your parent base and a long term program.

At the age of 46, I no longer fear the parents. I cherish them and thank them for bringing their child into my life. I thank them for raising respectful children who can be coached. I thank them every time I see them organizing carpools, fundraisers, and taking time off work to bring their child to an unscheduled practice. I reach out to the parents I never see and most of the time the reason I don’t see them, is because they are working or dealing with life beyond my little color guard. You will never see me post anything on Facebook bashing parents of today or the kids they raise. It’s because I am one and I’m walking in the daily shoes of full time employee, carpool mom, fundraiser, wife, writer, daughter, and mother. When I coach color guard I always try to remember that yes there are bad kids and yes there are lazy parents and parents who don't enforce the lessons taught, but most of them care deeply and want to give what they can, even if all they can do is make sure their child shows up on time.

My mantra is that if it weren’t for the parents and the compassion and love they have for their children, then we wouldn’t be here coaching at all.

To Publicly Answer the Questions of Coaching and Training and What's Going on With the Kids

Just recently, WGI sent out an email by Shirlee Whitcomb asking questions regarding training and requesting a response from the community about what methods work and what methods don't work in terms of managing the performers in a rehearsal scenario. The email seemed sincere and in the best interest of the activity and in response to her request; I would like to answer her questions here in an open forum.  I have been writing this blog for a little over three years and in that, I've discussed on multiple occasions the issue with training, rehearsal etiquette, and a new millennium of  kids raised in a different world and of a different time. In my professional life, I'm a youth development expert. I work for a funder of children's services that gives millions of tax dollars a year to organizations that serve children in a variety of capacities. As the youth development expert at my company, it is my job to know kids. It is my job to know parents. It is my job to read research and then read and read more research. It is my job to conduct interviews and listening communities regarding issues surrounding adolescents. My days are spent trying to get a handle on the influences of children from media to school or church and neighborhood. It's complex and it's complicated, but the following is what I have learned and hope to pass on to others in my professional capacity.  In the letter sent, there were four points stating current dilemmas that instructors are facing today. They are: attention span of students, retention and comprehension of verbal instruction, application of direction forcing more and more repetitions, and retention from rehearsal to rehearsal.  These aren't new dilemmas. They have been discussed in open forums at education, youth development, and workforce conferences for over a decade. Research on these issues is off the chart in terms of the amount of research that is coming out of places like Harvard, Pew, Aspen, The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and as reported in places such as Child Trends, Youth Today, and the Journal of Youth Development. My argument for years has been that we as a multi-million dollar activity with thousands upon thousands of young men and women participating every year throughout not just winter guard, but marching band and drum corps as well, are not doing enough to ensure that the instructors have the knowledge base to effectively coach youth. I see attempts, but many of those attempts...most in fact, have more to do with design of a show and competitive aspects of the units, than the coaching of the child.  Kids today are raised different. Like it or not...they are. When as a coach you accept that, it's easier to work with them and to respond. Kids today are inundated with media. It's not just social media. It's music, video games, television, the internet; with access to unlimited amounts of porn and violence. The average child receives their first cell phone at the age of 10. By the time they get to us; let's say as a freshman in the local marching band, they have had approximately 4 years of unfettered access to the world around them, often times unmonitored. They are also immersed in a world where they are learning in the classroom through media. We now have kids educated solely on-line.  This generation of kids is a generation of access. Let me repeat that. They are a generation of access. This is not their fault. It's a fact of the world we live in today. It is 24/7 access to anything and everything they want by the tap of a phone or click of a button. They can fast forward through commercials and don't have to wait any longer to binge watch their favorite television shows. They have 24 hour access to their friends and many believe they should have that same access to the adults in their lives such as teachers and coaches. Their ego's flourish within a world where they grew up on-line with their first photo shown to the world before they were even born. Their world has existed with unlimited amounts of photo's and video's taken of them since birth, but the online ego counters the natural ability for the adolescent's innate low self-esteem and within that comes the dilemma of us vs. them. Kids today. They have been tested and tested and tested to death. Their world exists in a time of political rhetoric that sets them smack dab in the center of the yearly shifts of political madness. They are raised in a time of school shootings, stranger danger, the elimination of much of their free time, and the slow eradication of opportunities for creative play. We know through research by PEW, that parents are monitoring and organizing the free time of youth at the highest rate ever in U.S. history. It's a result of parents who feel they have to create a "resume" for their children at young ages, so they will stand out during college admissions. Right or wrong...it's happening. Finally, the past decade has seen a significant shift in how many children are actually participating in extra-curricular activities nationwide. This issue has come to the forefront as research out of the Aspen Institute reports that more and more activities are becoming less community based and more private; forcing poorer students out of mainstream activities. This shift took its toll on families, especially during the recession. This impacts a child's ability to learn to be coached; so by the time they do find their way to the local marching band or winter guard, some are being coached for the very first time in their lives.  So how does this answer Shirlee's questions? Knowing the research and knowing the trends helps guide the direction of training for instructors. I have written over and over in this blog that without proper data collection we cannot as an activity see where we have been or know where we are headed. Knowing for instance the percentage of boys vs. girls in the activity can help us guide instructors in what's called, "gender specific programming." Female based sports associations have been training coaches for years on the best ways to manage teenage girls and how to foster their growth, because girls respond differently than boys and many of our instructors are male.We as an activity have not actually had an open forum of discussion for this particular issue and it is an issue. In fact...there are grants out there that are looking for programs that are specifically targeted at girls. We also haven't openly discussed the higher propensity for young males to be gay and how that impacts their lives within the school. Many boys in guards across the country for years have been removed from color guard, because of parental disapproval. Open dialog on this topic would help the local guard instructor manage that situation with the parents or the bullying that the child might receive for being in a female dominated activity. Do kids have attention span issues? Do they have communication issues? Maybe. Maybe not. The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation has been looking at this question for years. In the world of youth development research, those questions go back and forth and the panels of debate at conferences are fascinating. We know this. We know that the the Millennial's, which encompass the ages of roughly 18-34 are the largest generation since the baby boomers. The field of youth coaching is being profoundly impacted by youth coaching youth. Those new coaches need guidance that is strong and intentional in its direction.  So what do we do? What's the answer? Well, this is my solution. Begin what's called "Listening Communities." Create a culture where instructors and directors can get together to learn from each other. This can be actual live conferences, webinars, conference calls, etc. They can be local, regional, or national.  Create panel discussions with experts from the fields of education, coaching, youth development, and behavioral science. It's important to bring outsiders to the table as it raises awareness that we as an activity are a part of a larger community of youth development. Soundly acknowledge the fact that our mentoring of young instructors in this age of strict risk management, social media, and educational shifts has been weak at best.   Take lessons from other sports or sports associations that have been looking into the issues of effective coaching for the past decade.  Invite other sports experts to the proverbial round table to share expertise and lessons learned. Create a culture of discussion where our talking points are no longer primarily centered around how to write a show or understand the criteria. Read research and push that information out into the community with ways we can incorporate that research into our daily practice of coaching color guards.  Work closely and openly with the local circuits in creating a strong education program for young instructors. Oh...and make it cheap.  Learn and share information that impact youth such as current trends in media, education, and free play.  For the love of God! Collect data and make it public. We are a multi-million dollar industry. Surely we could hire an analyst.  We need to know who the instructors are, experience levels, pay, hours spent in a gym, turnover rates, and the qualitative information such as "what does training mean to you?' Did you know that anytime any judge mentions "well trained" it is a language that has yet to truly be defined by the activity? Well trained for me is very different than well trained for you. What your tolerance for let's say...tossing and catching...could be very different than mine. We won't know without the open discussions and formal collection of information. The Aspen Institute reported that retention of kids in youth sports has more to do with fun and the engagement of coaches as mentors, than it does with competition. In fact, in their ground breaking report released last year, it is stated that 9 out of 10 kids state that "fun" is the main reason they participate in sports. Winning and getting medals is at the bottom of the "why" in sports participation. With this knowledge and research to back it up, we can teach instructors how to set goals with their students as opposed to for their students, so program retention is higher. We need a better form of communication when it comes to understanding what is happening in the gym. How we teach. What we say. How we coach. What is training. How we retain youth from season to season. How we manage parents. How we interact with administration. How to advocate for your right to gym time. These are all important and necessary conversations that must happen in open forums. We must bring people to the table who are the local guard instructor, the national choreographer, the flag sewing band mom, the costume making vendor, and everyone in between to discuss what it is that is important in the training of our kids. The judges get 3 minutes IF THAT with a young instructor. Most circuits are strapped for cash and time to really make a difference in effective training and data collection. This is a collective effort that needs collective impact guided by a strong backbone of an organization.  And to answer her questions she poses at the bottom of the email?  Here are my responses. Have you experienced this type of response from your students? Yes I have.  If yes, how did you handle it? One. I grew up and realized that it wasn't just about the competition. It was about the kids, the program and the parents and what they wanted. I took my ego out of the gym and set the expectation that the kids would achieve at the highest level, but I was no longer going to push them based on my goals. I let them set their own goals with guidance from my history in the activity. Two. I work closely with the parents in fostering a better relationship so they may be my advocate for more time in the gym. I listen to them and respect their time and money. This in turn puts the parents center stage in encouragement and support. Three. I studied. I studied coaching techniques from other sports such as baseball and karate. I watched coaches interact with my son through his activities and I learned from them. I took what I liked and threw out what I didn't. Four. I set rules in place and live by those rules. No cell phones during rehearsal...even on breaks. I got the buy in from the parents (which was super easy), who in turn helped me with the rules.  Five. I use technology to my advantage and as a tool. I try to bridge the gaps between my world and theirs. I use coaching apps and even the stop watch on my phone to time how long staff members spend talking to the students as opposed to running reps.  Six. I don't fear repetitions. I fear staff who talk too much. More reps and more reps is my motto. Build muscle memory and teach the body how to consistently achieve. Martin Gramatica was once a kicker for the Tampa Bay Bucs back in the 90's. He was a great kicker. Once, he told a reporter that since a small age, he spent hours upon hours kicking the same kick day after day. He made goals to repeat the same kick from the same distance at least a thousand times a week. Then he moved the ball further back. Repetitions. They are crucial in the training process. Does this have any impact on our expectations of students in areas of achievement in competition? No. If students believe in themselves, then they will believe in the program and will have support at home. This will then encourage them to push themselves to achieve at the highest level possible. How, if at all, should judges be involved in this situation? I'm not sure they should. Their job is to evaluate what was presented, place a number on that presentation and then offer feedback. Does the growing focus on demand play into this subject? Absolutely it does. Rehearsal time has stayed roughly the same for decades based on the individual classes. The books/choreography however, have gotten harder. We gained no time, but increased the skill base. We recognized as an activity that stamina and strength were crucial to the training process so much so that many guards have added strength classes such as weight lifting or crossfit. As the books got harder, training got less so we could teach to the book as opposed to the skill. We see this problem when the kids come out of their high school programs and enter independent programs with the inability to throw basic tosses, but the ability to do something strange under the leg and through the nose.   The impact of dance layered with equipment seems to increase in its synergistic qualities each year. With more dance comes more dance training. With more dance training comes the need for more fitness based conditioning...and we haven't even begun to discuss the equipment. Here's the thing. We are no longer a cute little activity waving flags and guns in a gym. We are an industry. We are a multi-million dollar industry where CEO's are making 6 figures, and where costume companies, equipment companies, and consultants are selling their services at a premium. We ask parents everyday to entrust us with their children's well being and safety. They give us money to produce a product, but they also give us money to look after their kids for the few hours a week we have them. We are no different than the teachers in a classroom, the youth worker at the YMCA, the little league baseball coach, or the dance teacher with her own studio. It's time we take coaching seriously and to the next level. We are an activity of intelligent and well educated individuals. We can and should make this happen. We need to look at ourselves and figure out how to adapt and merge our worlds with theirs. It doesn't mean we give up our values, but it means that we try to reach into their lives and build a partnership. I would like to close with the words of my coaching hero Pat Summit: “It wasn’t just a job; it was my life, my home, and my family, and the players were the second-deepest love of my life.”

Training. Is it of a Time Gone By?

The question comes up all the time in circle of instructors, judges, and even the performers themselves. What does training mean in today's modern pageantry arts and what is considered a "well trained" color guard? If I had a dollar every time I had this conversation with someone in the past five years, I would be rich. People care about this topic. They are talking about it. They are questioning it. So if that's the case, then why aren't guards better trained? What's the problem?

I don't profess to know the answer, but I've had enough conversations to think I at least can figure out the problem. 

There are some very obvious changes that have occurred in the pageantry arts in the past decade and without direct intention, I believe they have made an indirect impact on what training means for our activity. Several shifts in design have occurred as it should in any developing art. In the past 20 years, the activity has explored planes in unique and alternate ways. The ground is being used more often. Individual responsibilities have taken on a new meaning as we continue to stage through smaller vignettes and individual moments. Dance has taken on a central focus as the driver of synergy with the equipment. Basically, the work has gotten harder, the staging has become less drill based, and the story of the show has taken center stage. 

Another shift we've had is the changing of the sheets in the downstairs captions to focus more on training. Some of us would say much of that experiment was not the success those in charge had hoped. We can say all day long that instructors must take it on themselves to learn the sheets, read their own recaps, and listen to their audio files. Some took ownership. Some did not. Many of the instructors truly didn't understand the 70/130 split, thus changing back to 50/50 and then not and then factoring the numbers. Blah, blah, blah. The reality is that, I'm not convinced the instructors truly understood it. They could tell you that training was important, but still didn't know how to translate the importance of training into a rehearsal setting. 

Finally, technology and the business of the activity has truly taken center stage. Instructors can now buy design, drill, costumes, silks, floors, and create all the production value to their hearts desire; just by the stroke of a pen to a check. Design consultants, costume companies, and flag companies are popping up everywhere. Production value and design are going for a premium right now. Does that impact training? Possibly, if you look at it from the perspective of a young instructor who barely knows how to even lead a guard, much less design one in this day and age of production values.  I've also noticed and this isn't a new concept, that in our activity, bigger aspects of the budget go to designers than techs. In many, many programs techs don't even get paid. How much of a financial value is a good tech worth? How much value is a new tech who has potential worth? If you didn't get paid, but knew the designer was getting paid thousands, how would you feel as the value of technique and the day to day cleaning process? How long would you stay around to learn to be a good tech, as opposed to going out and trying to learn design?

Now, in terms of training, what has happened? Well first, the shows have gotten harder...a lot harder. The skills in the A class that are being asked of the performers are off the charts. There are some skills such as body rolls and wrist work that you use to see in World Class. Now evolution in any art or sport naturally occurs. If you look at gymnastics, there once was a time when a double layout was considered standard setting when Mary Lou Retton displayed it for the first time in 1984. It is now a standard part of the floor routines. I'm not convinced that in color guard our training programs have kept up with the evolving design elements. When a Twenty something comes out of their World program, they are no different than we were back in the 80's or 90's, except for one big difference. Our shows had less dance, more ensemble based drill, and less synergistic qualities to the work. We had more time in rehearsal to stand in a basics block and throw quad, after quad, after quad, because that quad being thrown in basics would translate into the show with not much alteration with the body. 

When I'm talking about training here, I'm talking about the A class and bottom of Open and sometimes World. Yes. There are some incredibly well trained guards out there. I'm not talking about the top of World Class or even the top of A class, but here's something interesting. I've taught independent guards for the bulk of my guard career. When you teach an independent guard you get to see what the high schools are producing at the individual training level and some of the best A, Open, and World guards are sending their kids out of the program without an ability to truly manage a basics block. I've noticed the following issues of performers while working with various independent and scholastic teams.

• Inability to literally stand up straight and lift the body to perfect posture through the core
• Inability to stand in a basics block without fidgeting
• Inability to consistently count tosses 
• Inability to consistently catch in the same place every time. Now this one is a pure irritant. When did it become o.k. to catch anywhere between the waist and thighs and chest and consider it a good catch? When did moving under your toss become o.k.?
• Inability to identify vertical with the pole and know when the pole is not in a perpendicular plane
• Inability to consistently throw a basic flag toss. We get kids who can throw a flag and catch on their nose and balance it there while on one foot, but Heaven forbid you ask them to throw a basic vertical flag toss and catch on a very specific count. 
• Inability to start together. I have a thing when I teach. We are starting together and we will do count one over and over and over and over until there is a consistent understanding of the importance of the breath before the start. I don't care how much time it takes or what time keeping Nazi is barking in my ear. If a guard can't start together; nothing else is together, which leads to....
• The inability to subdivide beyond the "and" count. 
• Transitions. When doing a basic exercise on let's say weapon, the transition from one hand to the other or from one direction to the other seems to be less important than the skill being worked. It's like pulling teeth to have students focus on transitions with the level of importance that the toss has. 
• Feet. Are we standing in first, second, passe, or plie? When did second position become the primary position of the feet and why do kids struggle with it when they are asked to stand in let's say first position? 
• Moving. Moving with a sense of purpose, timing and technique is a consistent issue facing color guards today. Point of the feel. OH DEAR GOD! Please point the feet!
• Stepping off together within a consistent method of timing

Now let's talk about dance. Dance has evolved significantly over the past decade. The ability to move the body with the equipment is crucial, but to do that you still have to have a strong sense of center, core, contraction, and weight shift. We are getting kids out of high school programs who lack those skills. They lack the skills to move across the floor with a sense of method and timing. I once asked a guard I was consulting with while moving across the floor, if moving in lines was a requirement. The staff told me that there was no point in that anymore. I disagree. My response was pretty simple. "Don't you want them to have the same ability to cover the same amount of space during specific skills whether they are doing it individually or in an ensemble?"

WGI and local circuits have identified this problem of training. I've read the papers and had the discussions. Training sessions are being had at the local levels, so why is training still an issue? Is it that the workshop's occurring are focused on design? Do we need more classes on rehearsal pacing and how to run a technique block? If we had them, would anyone attend? Do the staff's of these programs believe they are training well, so they don't need grow those skills? I don't know the answer to this, but I wonder how right I am, because training isn't truly translating consistently into the shows beyond the top of each class.

I have a theory. I believe that there are three big issues facing us as an activity in terms of training. The first is that we have young instructors who have no idea how to pace a rehearsal while struggling with design that they've created on their own or the design someone else created for them. Looking at and evaluating their program for the strengths and weaknesses from the standpoint of the skills the kids present and the time they have in rehearsal takes serious planning and self evaluation. The design and choreography has gotten harder and instructors are struggling with how to merge training and design in a limited time frame.

The second aspect is knowing what training really means for a program at the bottom of A, top of A, Open and World. Does a Regional A team really need 25 exercises that all do different skills or do they need to really make a year long plan starting at band camp that takes one or two skills at a time and really hones in on them? Do they really understand how to detail the kids against their designed technical program? I always recommend that staff members stay critical. Stand on the side. Stand on the back 45. Stand in the front. Detail the basics program as if you were detailing your show. I always tell them to put as much thought in how the technique will evolve as they do in how the show will.

The third is the ongoing and continual struggle we have with well rehearsed vs. well trained. Can we really say as an activity that most of our guards are well trained by Circuit Championships or are they just well rehearsed? Do the staff's of the guards understand the difference? Do the judges? I wonder if it's because we've just become so homogenized in our ideas and writing, we no longer can recognize the difference. I don't care what type of toss you do, whether it's on the vertical or some odd 45 plane, but I do care when you can't show me that you know where the catch is in terms of the relationship of the body. Just to catch is not acceptable. IT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE! Just catching is well rehearsed. Catching in the same place every single time from member to member is well trained. If I was a gymnast (which I use to be), I would be forced to do a back handspring on the balance beam the exact same way every single time. The posture, core, balance, and flexibility must be perfect or you will fall off the beam. Have we just become so much of an art that training doesn't have to be that exact anymore?

Has our tolerance changed as an activity? Does well trained even matter any more?  As I go from guard to guard consulting and teaching, I have started to ask these questions. I've even wondered if it's me that's dated and then I think, "No. Training is important from the guard at the bottom to the guard at the top. All sports require detail level training. " I've noticed that instructors can't tell me the difference between training and warm up. I've noticed a lot of time spent on cell phones. I've noticed a lot of efforts being cleaned out of phrases so the show functions in basically one speed and one element of flow. I've noticed that performers hate speed changes and when the patience of the staff wears thin, they water out the speed changes. I've noticed that many staff members accepted the up down up down mentality as good, as opposed to, "Yes the flags are going up and down together, but is the body perfectly formed under it?"

Being a good tech takes patience, planning, and thoroughness. There is no getting around it and more thought needs to go into how we train young instructors and how we speak to them about their training process so all of the kids can feel successful no matter what class they compete in. 

I care so much about training that we need to go out of our ways to discuss it in open forums, critiques, and on social media.  The question should be a constant thought in the forefront of the activity. What is it and what does it mean?

The Pageantry Arts...The Great Middle Class Divide

Here is the elephant in the room. Why is it when we look out on to the field or floor what we see is primarily a middle class view of America? While watching the Macy’s Parade on Thanksgiving, someone posted on Facebook that the parade seemed very “white.” O.k. Why is that? In this post, I won’t pretend to have the answers. I won’t engage in political rhetoric. I won’t make a supposition that it’s a white vs. black issue. What I’m going to do is present facts. The facts will be from research bodies such as the Aspen Institute, Women’s Sports Foundation and the United Way. They are based in actual data collected over years of study and research. They are based in meetings I’ve been a part of in the past year with community leaders asking the question, “How can more children participate in sports and the arts?” It is time in our activity to begin to address why some children participate and some do not and it is time to have the conversation about what it is we really believe in as an activity, because if we don't someone else will and we might not like the results of those conversations.

In this post, I’m going to make a case for data collection. Real data collection and not just numbers based on how many guards attend Dayton year after year. I won’t discuss private entities like drum corps or independent guards, as that’s a different concept; although important for this discussion as well. This post is mostly about the public school based programs and how they are represented around the nation.  In the research on extra-curricular activities conducted around the country for the past decade, the purpose has been multi-faceted, but tends to draw on similar themes. What are the potential health problems America will be facing in the next decade? Why don’t children feel a connection to their community or school anymore? How can we increase participation of girls in sports? How does poverty plays a role in youth extra-curricular participation? How does early exposure to physical activity better serve the physical health of the nation generations down the road?

This is what we know:

• Since the beginning of the recession in 2008, 2.6 million fewer kids between 6-12 are signing up for, participating in, and staying in the basic little league level sports such as baseball, basketball, football and soccer.
• Boys start participation in activities a full year ahead of females.
• By the time children reach the age of 9, they are exercising less than 2x per week.
• Income is the number one driving force behind early participation in activities and a child’s ability to stay in that activity for several years. If a family makes $100,000 year, their children usually start activities around the age of 6. If it’s less than $50,000 per year, they start around the age of 8.
• We know that when children and parents are surveyed about sports participation; fun, making friends, feeling a part of the team, and getting playtime always ranks first above winning, getting trophies, and participating in tournaments. Survey after survey comes back stating that children actually DO NOT like the trophy’s like we as adults think they do.
• The American Academy of Pediatrics has publicly stated that the “professionalization of parenthood” has created a mentality of parents who are pushing their children to have perfect resumes to gain college admission and college scholarships forcing the cost of activities to rise.
• 20% of all high school females do not participate in any physical activity at school or home.
• We know that all sports and activities have risen in cost in total contradiction to the income levels of families

I could go on and on. There is stat after stat after stat on how, when, and why kids participate in sports. There is even research that looks at adults who have cancer and correlates it back to their childhood participation in physical activities. So why does all of this matter? It matters because this information allows us to look at children across the socioeconomic and gender based spectrums and begin asking the questions of why and then how we can change it or make it better.

So, is it true? Does the pageantry arts have an issue with socioeconomics? Are poor children left out? Are girls participating in color guard as their first ever physical activity, because they finally found a gender based activity that combines their love for things pretty, with their desire to be active? Here is what we know.

??????

When asked to make a case in a public forum on why funders should begin to give money so we can perpetuate not just the arts, but also the marching arts for children of all income levels, I was unable to find enough data to make a strong case. Months and months. Call after call and my team couldn’t find the necessary data. There is data for the arts and music. There is data for sports, but data for the Sport of the Arts is limited. The data necessary to make a case belongs to how we look at statistics at the government level through the lens of the U.S. Census. The questions to ask have to do with ethnicity, income level, gender, and single vs. dual family households. Data also must be fairly recent. It doesn’t have to be last week, but when your information is a decade old and doesn’t involve the most recent 2008 recession, then you can’t make a case.  When it comes to funding and making a public case you can’t guess. In 2012, The United Way commissioned a report called The ALICE Project. A.L.I.C.E. (Asset Limited, Income Constrained, Employed). This is the group of people most often called “the working poor.” Those of us who do community work like to call those folks “The Alice Group.” The Alice Group are the kids above the poverty line, but below middle class. Their parents are only surviving based on their salaries. They are trying and surviving, but income doesn’t allow for extracurricular’s. After the recession, the ALICE Group grew. In Florida where I live, a full 45% of all families are financially surviving and that’s it; nothing left over after rent, car payment and insurance. In Florida, the average family of four survival budget is $47,484. The stability budget in Florida for a family of four is $81,972. Study after study shows that those in the ALICE Group are edged out of activities and sports.  

All the major research released in the past decade on physical activity for kids usually leaves out band and guard. Cheerleading has just entered the data sets in some research. Dance has been looked at in rare cases and when it’s done, is focused on the children already participating and what the benefits it has on those kids. In fact, in the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, hunting was listed as an activity and band never was. We can make a case for the importance of music and how it impacts the brain, but until we start tying the gender based aspects and financial based aspects to the physical part of the pageantry arts, then we will never be able to make a case for public dollars.

So, what about this income issue?

“There are fundraisers! If they want to participate bad enough, then they will fund raise.”

“The parents are lazy.”

“The kids are lazy.”

“Some parents just want a free ride and when they don’t get it they complain.”

These are common arguments and some of them are true. There are lazy parents. There are people who want a free ride. However, they are generalizations, with little support based on science. This is what we know based on what’s called “community asset mapping” and surveys through the Afterschool Network, CDC, and Women’s Sports Foundation.

• The further a child lives from the school, the less likely they will participate in an extra-curricular activity, because of transportation issues.
• Standardized testing has impacted the importance of physical activity at the middle school and high school levels.
• There are more single parent households making less money than 20 years ago
• Extra-curricular activities have risen in cost, with less connection to the community than 30 years ago
• Fundraising is difficult for parents below the poverty line and in the Alice Group, due to the fact that fundraising is often done with family and friends and many of those in poverty don’t have family and friends with the disposable income to sell to.
• Many fundraisers occur at times when parents are working weekend and shift work hours. 
• More families live further away from family than they did 20 years ago, leaving out the help necessary to help with transportation.
• Oh…did I mention that transportation was a problem?
• Transportation, transportation, transportation

What needs to happen?

• We first need to find out what the cost of the pageantry arts are compared to other sports and how it has or has not risen within the current economy, as well as then comparing those numbers to the average middle class income today.
• We need to find out if the bands and guards out there are gaining or losing kids and why
• We need to find out what works. What models out there draw kids in and what pushes them away?
• We need to survey parents and ask the tough questions about what helps them make decisions on their ability to allow their child to participate? What struggles do they have?
• We need to comprehensively look at the budgets of public school marching bands, guards, and other competitive units and find out which budgets include travel out of state and how it impacts the participation of the kids.
• We need to look at the professionalization of the activity such as professional costume companies, drill writers, designers, and equipment companies and find out how the costs have or have not risen and if that has impacted the budgets to the point of excluding kids.
• We need to officially connect the dots of the marching arts to a reduction in obesity
• We need to identify how many girls are participating across the board in color guard so we may make a case for probably the largest gender based sport in America
• We need to find out how many kids out there identify as gay, because the marching arts are a safe haven for children of all races, nationalities, and sexual orientation’s.
• We need to study not just large, national based teams, but local and community based organizations to garner public support for more local tax dollars.
• We need to look at ethnicity
• We need to make the case…with numbers…that the more kids that are on the marching band field, then the less kids there are sitting at home watching the Kardashians, getting fat, playing video games, and causing a disruption in the classroom and on the streets. With those numbers we need to do a better job at saying what we all know. “Yes…these kids graduate at higher rates, are more disciplined, healthier, and make better grades.”
• We need to work together to figure out a way to help local bands and guards brings costs down so more kids can play.
• We need to stop frivolous proposals that are self-serving and introduce proposals that focus on the big picture that all children deserve the opportunity to participate.
• We need a seat at the table when major bodies of research is conducted and demand to be included in those numbers.
• We need a place where all data is kept and easily accessible to those who write grants and advocate.
• We need to teach directors and coaches how to advocate with their administration and local school board for their program.
• We need to re-imagine the activity that includes a competitive component, but also a community component for children with limited means

Research takes years and its painstaking work. It's necessary work though, if we believe in what we do. The numbers I'm talking about can't be found by just one study through some survey monkey created in an office somewhere disconnected from the reality of community work. We need to hire and recruit real researchers and encourage arts and physical wellness PhD candidates to take on our activity as a dissertation. The pageantry arts is a multi-million dollar industry. The money could be found if we wanted it to be found. We need to start getting the data to make the case for more children to participate. Period. Keep this in mind also. Public dollars fund much of our activity. "Oh but Shelba, we get nothing from our school." Oh yes you do. You do if one dollar, just one dollar goes to pay for the band director, guard coach, a set of silks, a musical instrument, the gym you practice in or a school bus to carry the band to a football game and back. Once we realize that we have a vested interest in how tax dollars are spent to fund our activity, then we will start the process of protecting it and making sure all children have access to it.

Imagine a world, where all kids who wanted to had the opportunity to participate in music, band, and guard. Envision an activity with wider levels of diversity, bringing along different cultures of music and dance. Try to dream of children having access to the marching arts in elementary schools and after school programs across the nation. What if we could prove with numbers that what we do creates healthy children who value their community and love going to school, because in that school and community is an opportunity for fun, teamwork, mentoring, and the interaction with people who care? Think about it. Now let’s start a real dialog.

The 5 Life Lesson's I've Learned as a Colorguard Tech

I'm 45, almost 46. I feel old. I've been cleaning colorguard's for a long time. Marching band. Winterguard. Local. National. Good. Bad. Not so bad. Not so good. Great. I've been around and taught or consulted with just about every type of program there is to teach. I've learned a few things along the way and as we seem to be at a point in the activity where we appear to be passing the torch to the younger generation, I would like to spend some time sharing some wisdom and a little bit of advice, before I leave the activity from full time instructor and judge to consultant and spectator. 

I love this activity. I love it! Over the years I've had an off and on love/hate relationship with it as I learned to juggle career and family, with guard and band. The older I get though, the more I realize how it has kept me going, when all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers of my bed and stay there until the storms of life had passed. It has given me a place to be on weekends and a creative outlet that makes me a better mother and better professional. It has allowed me to stay young, as I interact with young people just starting out on life's journey. More than anything, it gave me friends; friends that at times I don't feel worthy of having, as it connected me to a world beyond my front door.

Along the way, I learned a few things about myself and life through the activity and I learned it as a technician, that I'm proud to say out loud, that through it all, I became a damn good one. Technicians in our activity often get the short end of the stick when it comes to accolades and awards. We are usually paid less than designers and get a lot of blame when the toss doesn't go up together. I've learned about living life through the realities of being a tech, and I've learned to embrace the love of cleaning a colorguard and seeing those moments come to life show after show after show.

Embrace the love/hate relationship you will ultimately have with your designer

The designer chooses the show. The designer writes the show. The designer sets the stage for the effects and ultimately has the final say in the direction of the show. USUALLY.  Not always. I’ve learned that if you CHOOSE, yes YOU make the choice to engage or not engage with the designer and if you choose to build on a lifelong relationship with a designer, then you will be surprised at how much power as a technician you will have in the direction of the choreography and planned effects. If you are a good tech and can prove that by results, then the show often will get designed around YOUR skills as a technician and the ability you have to raise a guard from average to great. Technicians have so much power if they choose to have it.

I've spent a lot of time over the years being irritated with designers. They aren’t moving fast enough. They are taking my cleaning time. They keep changing things. It’s the day before prelims…”WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE FLAG FEATURE IS CHANGING??”  You know what I have to say to all of that? Boo Hoo! Stop. Just stop. Learn to express your needs and struggles that you’ve been having with the guard or the phrase and work together. You know where else this skill comes in handy? The work place. Marriage. Parenting. I saw my ability to work under pressure as a technician truly come to life, when I had a toddler with zero social skills and the innate need to throw tantrums in every Target we walked into. I had to learn quickly how to meet his needs and mine at the same time. Embrace the love/hate and build a relationship with your designer.

Learn to move slow. Learn to move fast. Make a list. Be prepared.

Technicians have to be able to think on their feet. I’ve teched several great World programs over the years and in those environments you tend to race against the clock as a technician. What starts on the schedule as a nice leisurely hour to clean and clarify the sabre feature with drill, can on a dime, turn into 15 minutes in some hallway with barely enough space to toss. So fine. You have 15 minutes in a hallway and you can’t work the big toss, catch in your teeth upside down thing that you really needed to work on. So what do you do? What else can you fix in that quick 15 minutes? I’ve seen more technicians in my day waste that time by complaining and wondering how to fill the space. This by the way happens at every level. It snowed. We missed practice. It rained all week. We had to work on a stage and still had a show on Saturday. Being a great tech means learning to manage adversity.

Teching a guard takes planning. It’s a daily task of critically evaluating your program and finding the key effect moments, the moments that can wait, and the moments you may never get to. It means that when you are lucky to get the hour to truly detail and clean the sabre feature, then you don’t waste it with mindless chit chat and looking at your phone or trying to figure out counts that should have been figured out by watching a rehearsal video. Video's, judges commentary, and recaps are all there at your disposal. Do you use them to plan?

As a tech, I find the hardest skill to have learned is the ability to move slow and understand that some skills take time. Sometimes you will spend an hour cleaning a phrase, but the results come a week later once the muscle memory and emotional energy has settled down. The question is this. Do you as a tech know when to move fast and when to move slow? Do you have the patience for both?

In life, there are times when moving slow and waiting to see the results of your labor is not just a necessity, but a natural course of action. Life dictates to you the course of action. Do I move fast and jump to action or do I slow down and let my mind rest?

Share the blame. Share the success. Stop making excuses.

When the guard doesn’t do well and they looked panicked, hurried, or rushed while on the field, whose fault is that? Is it their fault or is it yours for not preparing them well enough? Did you just teach that phrase yesterday, not giving them the time to absorb the information? Did you waste time on your phone, when you could have done just one more repetition? What about when the toss goes up together and the crowd goes crazy? Was it you that cleaned it or the designer that timed it well? Have you spent time preparing them mentally as well as physically? Do they feel good about themselves?The success of the staff’s ability to communicate their needs and work within the restraints thrown at them is a direct result of the success of the team. These are some of my favorite excuses.

“But I cleaned it already.” (Apparently not)

“The kids don’t practice at home.” (Then make them practice harder when you are with them)

“We never get a gym” (No one else does either)

“It rained all week.” (Everyone got rain this week)

“The designer didn’t finish the show in time.” (Welcome to the world of being a tech)

“The designer changed the feature.” (See previous response)

“I never get enough time to clean it.” (And you never will)

And my favorite…my all-time favorite…

“The judges just don’t like us.” (They have criteria to follow. Did you follow it?)

I’m a person that has numerous flaws. I acknowledge them and often times celebrate them, but I will not make excuses for them. If my guard sucks, then well…the buck stops with me, because I did something wrong along the way either through staff communication or organizational preparedness.

When you are on the job, no one cares about your excuses. They care that the job got done correctly and in a timely manner. Period.

Get in the mix of it all

The older I get, the more of an opportunity I am getting to consult and sit back and watch from the stands and observe instructors teach. I’ve noticed several things that can make or break the success of a team and I ask this question for all reading this. Do you as a technician engage with the students or do you sit in the stands, stand on the sideline, watch every text message that comes through your phone, or only view the program from the front? When really looking honestly at those I’ve taught with or consulted for, many times the problems occur because of the lack of on the field/floor engagement with the performers.

“Sally Mae you are doing the angle wrong.” “Sally Mae I’ve told you already. The ANGLE is wrong!” “Sally Mae…DO YOU HEAR ME? THE ANGLE ON COUNT 6 IS WRONG!!” “Do it AGAIN for Sally Mae!”

How about this? Get on the field, stand behind Sally Mae, put your hands on the flag and help her understand the angle. It will save time and her self-esteem. When observing staff members, I see that many never view their program from the back or side, only from the front. More is seen from the side or back 45 than from the front any day.

How about this one? “No phones in rehearsals. I want you present and engaged at all times.” Is the staff present and engaged? Really? Are you?

I’ve also learned over the years that watching the design or writing process go down is crucial in my understanding of the show. As a tech, it’s so much more than counts. It’s teaching character and motivation. It’s understanding efforts and intent. Do you leave during design time or do you watch and listen?

Talk about a life lesson. Is your life viewed from the front only or do you, as Robin Williams once demonstrated, stand on your desk and view the world from different angles?

Stop Feeling sorry for yourself and grow a thick skin

I have zero tolerance for this one. What you present to your performers as a person, is how they will perform on the floor. Are you confident? Do you love yourself? Do you always put your best foot forward, even when the world is beating you up? Do you speak negatively about yourself in front of the kids? Do you post negative comments on Facebook so the kids pick up on that energy? Can you stand up tall when a designer says to you that they want the feature cleaned by the end of the day and when that doesn’t happen say, “It’s getting there. I’ll make sure it gets there,” or do you pout with a sullen look? 

What about critique? We all have it happen at least once a season if not 3 or 4 times a season. The big name judge is sitting across from you. You have 3 minutes. Do you sit down with good posture and ask pointed questions to clarify the intent of the commentary or do you slouch and immediately place yourself lower in the pecking order than the judge? Do you take comments in stride when they say they don’t like it or do you complain, without looking objectively at the comment? Do you blame a judge, before looking deep inside yourself?

So I admit this next comment out loud. I realize I’m a bad person for it, but I’m going to say it anyway. I hate it when staff members cry or get upset when they are told that their work isn’t good enough. I become like this piranha out for blood. The reason I’m like that, is because I have been in rehearsals where I was expected to accomplish a task and didn’t. I was yelled at. I impacted the score. I did. My inability to accomplish a task in the training or cleaning process, impacted the overall score. I learned to grow a thick skin so I could objectively listen to the concerns of all involved. 

Here’s the reality. You were given 30 minutes to clean a phrase and it’s not clean. I’m sorry, but the flags still don’t go around together. Why? What you did with your time…without excuses? Judges are the same way. They have one job and that is to rank, rate, and comment on your program. If you aren’t in it to be told the truth, then why do you do it? We put our kids out there every rehearsal and every show to be evaluated by the staff and then evaluated by the judges. We expect them to have a thick skin and so should we and if we can't handle a moody designer or uptight judge, then how can we handle the real challenges in life such as sickness, job loss, or death?

The older I get, the more I realize that there is no black or white answer to life. It’s an abstract based roller coaster with tunnels and light, that takes you up and pulls you down. You have to be strong, but willing to admit that you’re fallible and capable of learning from the lessons of your mistakes, as well as the lesson that it might just be out of your hands. As a tech, I’ve made just about as many if not more mistakes, than I have had successes. I continue to make mistakes, but I try. I try so hard to learn from them. I use my friends to be my mirror and with that friendship, they allow me to be theirs. I’ve learned to listen with the intent of wanting help, as opposed with the intent of a defensive posture. My friends are tough. They tell me when my guard sucks and they tell me how to fix it. They also celebrate me when they see I’ve struggled with a team and now that team reaps the benefits of what is and always will be a collective effort of kids, staff, administration, parents, and the audience. My friends celebrate me as a person and help me understand the power I have as an individual. They have been with me in colorguard and they have been with me in life. They help me grow.

I think, that’s the ultimate purpose of life, at least for me and I learned it as a colorguard technician. We experience, we learn, and we listen and along the way…we find a few friends who serve as our mirror and confidant and tell us, "It's not clean enough. Try again, but I know you will get there." In return, we acknowledge the struggle, thank them for their honesty and offer them the same in return.

Color Guard's Greatest Gift: It Helped Me Eulogize My Dad

General Omar Bradley once said that bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death. I'm not sure I truly had a grasp of that statement until September 25th, 2015. I have always believed strongly in the lessons I've accumulated over the years of performing and teaching in the marching arts, but the the lessons that remains steadfast and sits atop of them all, are the ones about having grace under pressure, recovery, and stepping up to the plate when you are most needed. My marching arts career has been a dream. I admit and have always admitted that it's been a statement of luck, so much more than it has been a statement of skill. I was lucky that my parents bought a home where I was zoned for a high school with one of the best marching bands in the state of Tennessee, that made me a state champion and BOA finalist. I was lucky to have performed in the Star of Indiana  and I was lucky to have performed with the Pride of Cincinnati. It was location. It was money. It was luck. I admit that. My teaching career followed a similar path that brought me into circles I didn't deserve to be brought into. The universe gave me this gift of the marching arts and I have no right to do anything, but say thank you.

On September 25th, 2015, I had to say goodbye to my dad. Anyone who has gone through this level of loss knows that it is without a doubt one of the hardest damn things you can possibly experience. The days headed into the funeral I functioned. I did what I had to do and went through the steps necessary to stand up strong as people offered their condolences. During the days post September 25th, it has taken everything in my power to just get out of the bed. I want to turn back time and I want to hear his voice again. I want another lecture on how I need to save more money for retirement and to remember to lock all the doors before bedtime. As we know however, time cannot go backwards. It can only go forwards.

On the day of the funeral I was prepared to sit back and listen as the minister offered words of comfort and my uncle told funny stories. I was ready for as my mom says, a good cry. The good cry however, would never come. One hour before the service was to begin, we got word that the minister couldn't make it. My uncle asked me to help him speak so there would be more than one voice for people to hear. I was standing near this large picture of my dad from when he played high school football when the question came and to be honest, I nearly passed out. I felt the blood rush from my face and could feel my heart race. I said yes without even considering what I was saying yes to, while my mind was screaming, "You have got to be kidding me!"  The yes from my mouth came from a place deep inside, that was taught to me through many rehearsals and performances, from many instructors, when I was asked to perform when I didn't think I had the courage to manage it.

"Yes. I will catch the toss."
"Yes. I will perform this phrase tonight, even though I just learned it today."
"Yes. I will get this phrase clean for the regional, although you just wrote it two hours before showtime."

For every kid I had taught through the years and asked them to raise their own standards of excellence, I found myself looking down the same hole of fear.

From the moment I was asked to eulogize my dad, to the time we were moved into the chapel, which was about 45 minutes, I took an old sheet of paper from my purse and furiously started taking notes. I texted a friend or two for support. They coincidentally were pageantry people as well.

As my uncle spoke to open the service, my hands shook like you wouldn't believe. In my mind was every motivating phrase I ever heard David Baker, my old high school guard director say, and every word I ever said to a scared performer, "You can do this. Remember...It's only 5 minutes of your life."  I knew a few things about what would happen next. I knew that my family needed me to be strong. I knew that I didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye to my dad and this was the one thing I could offer him and I knew that I had been in tough situations before and could do this. I just had to pull from every performance I had ever done and harness the fear.

I knew in my mind that if I let myself cry before I spoke that I wouldn't get through the eulogy. Even as the music played Leader of the Band and in the lyrics I heard the words, "...and papa I don't think I said I loved you near enough," I held back the tears; while my body shook. I kept thinking, "I can do this. I can do this." It's another thing you learn that in color guard. Keep staying positive. Believe in yourself. You have to stand up for the team, even when you are afraid to walk on the floor and do the solo, knowing it might just be a 50/50 shot you'll catch the toss at the big moment.

When the song ended, my uncle stood up and introduced me. I had no idea that I would be speaking in that very moment. In my humorous voice I thought, "Oh my God. This is like the moment they call your guard in Dayton in 13th place, when you were expecting 8th. What do you mean they are calling our names this fast??" My feet, I think, literally froze to the floor. I can't tell you how I made it up to the podium. I don't even remember it. All I remember is that I had my notes and started speaking to a room of about 75 people, with mom right in front of me. Oh the moments mom and dad watched me drop a rifle or fall off a balance beam. I remember thinking as a kid, how I must have disappointed them with every drop. As an adult, you learn that they were only there to support you. They didn't care about your drops or falls. They only cared that you were having fun and doing your best. They were simply proud of you. This however, was not a color guard show. I needed to pull this off for the family. I needed to do right by the man who always did right by me.

When I opened my mouth to speak, I looked out into the audience and did exactly what we ask every performer do in every guard and at every show. Stand up straight. Lift your head up. Make eye contact. Find the judges and make it personal. Make them want more. Don't be afraid to show emotion and remember to smile. Enjoy yourself. Once you take care of the basic elements of performing, everything else seems to fall into place. I spoke to the audience as if I were speaking directly to my dad and telling him everything I wanted to tell him all along. I thanked him for supporting his kids and always keeping us safe. I told stories to illuminate who he was as a dad and mentioned how when I was in drum corps, it was one of the best days of my life when he came to see me win. He told me I was always a winner to him.

My dad was not a showy type of person. His daughter however, is. I get that from the activity I've been so richly blessed to be a part of and the activity he worked his ass off to afford me the opportunity to participate in. I thanked him for that as well. I told those who were there to offer support, that I wish I had told my dad that I loved him more and that he did it right. Just like the song says. I thanked God for helping me win the family lottery; that brought me to an activity that became my second family. It was that pageantry family that has always been there in the hard days and the ones there to support me in my loss.

In the end, I'm not sure I could have spoken on behalf of my family if it hadn't had been for the marching arts. Sitting at the airport on my way home, I thought of every stammer, ummmm, and pause that wasn't intended. I thought of every thing I should have and wish I had said. I was rather hard on myself, but what I did was what every performer out there in the history of the activity has done. We question every moment of our performance, because it has taught us to learn and grow through every rehearsal, performance, and moment. So dad, this is for you. Your money was well spent and thank you for always being there, even when I dropped my rifle.

Oh and FYI...Apparently I did a pretty good job, because I have had several offers to be put into people's wills so I will speak at their funeral. I think I'm looking into it as a new career choice. Give me a call if you need a good eulogy.