8 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy In Rehearsal

Back in April of 2012, The Huffington Post shared a blog post from Luminita D. Saviuc, who writes the blog, The Purpose Fairy at http://www.purposefairy.com/.  The post entitled, "The 15 Things You  Give Up To Be Happy," went viral and I thought it would be interesting to see what it would look like if we re-purposed Ms. Saviuc's suggestions for the performers of pageantry. Throughout the course of a season, we waste a lot of time fighting our ourselves and fighting each other. When I say we, I say that for all of us; the performer and the staff; and sometimes the judge, the parents, the school administration, etc., etc. etc. Mostly though, the most significant fights occur within our own minds.  If you have never taught and only performed, it's hard to grasp what an instructor goes through during the course of a season. As staff, we sometimes forget what it was like to stand on that floor as a performer night after night, wondering where it's all headed and feeling at a loss when we just aren't good enough and all we want to do is feel that we are. So this post is for you the performer to let you know that you are enough and to be mindful of each moment, because one day those moments will be gone. One day, you will look back and realize that some of the best moments of your life occurred on a gym floor, with the staff yelling, another performer crying, and you wondering if the season could just go a little faster as you head back to your set with the words, "Do it again," ringing in your ear.

• Give Up Your Need To Always Be Right

Here's the thing about being right. Your perspective on the floor is not the same perspective as the staff in the stands. To that end, I would like to say to the staff that your perspective is not the same as the performer doing the work, with its complex layering of staging and body after an 8 hour rehearsal. This post however is for the performer. Some of my favorite moments in a rehearsal is when a performer is corrected and this comment comes out of their mouth, "...but that's not how it was written," or"...but last week you said count 8 was here," or my personal favorite, "...are you sure?" Here's the thing, sometimes the staff aren't sure. Sometimes they forget. Sometimes they look at what was originally written and decide that it basically sucks. Sometimes they just don't know, but I ask you this. Why are you trying to be right in the first place? In the end, it comes down to trust. Ask yourself, "Do I believe in my staff and my program? Do I trust my fellow teammates?" If you can answer yes, then there is no need to always be right. Give that away and let it go.

• Give Up Your Need For Control

Can you answer the question of ...WHY? What are you trying to control and why are you trying to control it? Here are some things you can't control. You can't control the decisions the staff makes in regards to show changes, rehearsal schedules or even what is worked on at rehearsal. You can't control your teammates and their commitment levels, talent, or attitude. You can't control your score. You can't control the rehearsal space you were given or the fact that you are hungry and rehearsal has gone over by 30 minutes. You can't even control the fact that the bathrooms to the school were locked and you have to pee outside behind the trash can (yes that happens). You CAN control your attitude. You CAN turn a tense situation into something fun. You CAN control how much you practice and how much effort you put into your season. You CAN control your ability to give up the need to control all external forces that surround you. You CAN most definitely control the ability to give it 100% and acknowledge the fact that you don't have all the answers and perspective of others.  My suggestion...Practice and prepare for the bizarre. Bring a yummy homemade cupcake to munch on, a favorite teddy bear, some toilet paper, and your mental happy place. If none of that works then have a tierra just in case. A tierra will lighten up any rehearsal and make you feel like the princess of the gym.

• Give Up On Blame

Your mistakes are yours. They aren't those of your teammates, the staff, or the judges. Your drop is your drop. It wasn't the lights and it wasn't the wind. It was simply your drop and that drop comes from a lack of practice, a lack of training, inability to compensate for unforeseen elements like the wind, or a loss of concentration. Also, stop blaming yourself. STOP IT! Everyone makes mistakes. You aren't perfect and never will be.  Pick up the equipment, dust off your inner voice that tells you that you aren't good enough and keep performing. If the mistake was because you didn't practice enough, then simply take your equipment home, do that move 100 times and then let it go, but blame is not going to get you anywhere and you just might lose some friends in the process.

• Give Up Your Self-Defeating Self-Talk

This is my personal favorite. Your inner voice often times is your worst enemy. Your inner voice will make you believe that when the staff say, "Becky, you were late on count 5," what they really mean is, "Becky, your were late on count 5 and you have never done anything right in this program ever." We always say that pageantry is the perfect place to learn life's lessons. So here is the biggest life lesson ever. YOU ARE JUST FINE! Tell your mind that you don't have to be the best sabre, flag, dancer, and rifle all wrapped up into the title of, "Queen of the Winterguard World!" You will never be the best, because the best is only relative to you. So what if you didn't get the solo. So what if you didn't get chosen for captain. SO WHAT! Are you going to let it ruin your season, your life? Are you going to let it ruin your day? Go out there and do your thing and congratulate yourself for doing what most can't. You took an awkward piece of equipment, threw it in the air, while you did a leap, that was taught to you yesterday, caught it, and managed to basically not kill yourself or the others around you. I would say that's a good day. 

• Give Up On Complaining

It's unattractive, shows poor leadership skills, and shows your inability to work around difficult situations.  Change your mindset and figure out how to make an awkward situation fun. The girl next to you can't do her work as well as you, so now the staff is making you do it over and over and over and over. Instead of being angry at her, make it a positive. Turn it around on you and say, "I'm glad we are doing this again, it guarantees I'll never mess it up in a show." Then, after rehearsal, go over to the girl and ask, "How can I help?"

• Give Up The Luxury of Criticism

I think this goes into a very similar category as complaining, but there is a difference. Criticism is usually targeted at someone and that someone needs your support, not your judgment. In the midst of a tough rehearsal there is a lot to criticize. Remember, your attitude could make the difference of doing just one more run-through or getting to go home early. When you criticize you don't often realize how it impacts the other person even if that person never hears you, because the venom of criticism always carries through the air and that attitude impacts everyone. Always think, "Maybe I don't have their perspective." So, before you open your mouth to criticize someone or their decisions ask yourself, "Do I have all the information and how can I make this situation better?"

• Give Up on Your Fears

What are you afraid of? 

Dropping? Everyone drops. Get over it. Doing a bad show? Everyone has at least one bad show a season. Getting yelled at? Good luck with that one. The best of us have gone to the woodshed of pageantry and survived. Looking bad in front of your family? Please. They've already seen you through potty training, little league, and bad science fair projects. They are just proud to watch you give it your all.  Your costume slipping off showing you in your underwear? You'll probably get a standing ovation if you keep pushing through it. Getting hurt? You will survive the cut on your eye and your friends will give you a lot of attention for it. Also, chances are there will be some guilt on the part of the staff...so don't forget to take advantage of that. Looking ridiculous? You are spinning a 6 foot pole with a lame' silk on it to the music of Adele and guess what...so is everyone else. 

I bet I know what you are really afraid of, though  Risk! Giving it your all requires risk and risk is scary. Risk, along with all those silly mistakes that comes with it makes you who you are and you will thank yourself later for it.

• Give Up Your Excuses

This is the most important one.

Bad show? Bad rehearsal space? Less than talented staff? The wind? The sun? Teammates with bad attitudes? 

"I'm not good enough." "I'm tired today." "I'm sore." "I'm hungry." "I don't like my spot." "I don't like to do that toss. " "I'm too fat." "I look bad in my uniform." "The staff doesn't like me." "My boyfriend broke up with me today." "I've got too much homework." "The judges hate us." "I look like a creature of the swamp leaping off the ground doing that thing with the rifle."

Get over it!

I've been in the activity for over 25 years as a performer, instructor, director, board member, and judge. There is no excuse in the world for the excuses you are using to give up. There is no excuse that will ever be good enough that will allow you to quit your team or yourself. You will regret it. I promise you that. There is a lot to be gained in life to be able to say that you made it to the very end and gave it your all, regardless of the outcome. The excuses can go on and on and on. They will ruin your rehearsal and ultimately your season. They will take down the people around you. In the end, your rehearsals and all the craziness that comes with it, is preparing you for the real world. Nothing you've heard will prepare you for the pressures of life such as parenthood, the workplace, or the random senseless acts of others. Your ability to see the positive in every situation and to adjust quickly to adversity, will make the difference between happiness and despair. 

Too many people in life give up before they see the rewards and most times the rewards are simply not competitive success. The reward is intrinsic and it's the value of knowing that you love yourself enough to know that you tried something difficult; something no one else knows how to do and survived. This activity has been around a very long time. We've all been there done that. The question is, "What are you going to make of it?" This is your time on the floor and the memory is yours to make. Make it a good one and make it one that will make you smile on those cold nights when you feel lonely and in need of a friend.